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Reality of eBay

Submitted by: Chris Rock



A Dog Steals a Roast

A dog, running about unleashed, enters into a butcher shop and steals a big piece of meat. The butcher recognizes the dog as belonging to a Lawyer

The butcher goes straight to the lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my shop, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"

The lawyer answers, "Yes! Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $9.50. Your dog stole a roast from my shop today."

Without a word, the lawyer, writes the shop owner a check for $9.50.

Few days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer:
It was a bill for $120 for a consultation!

Submitted by: David Brenner



Kitten or Husband

Submitted by: Jonathan Winters



Fun things to Say at a Job Interview

If see photo of interviewer's family on desk, point, start laughing uncontrollably.

Ask if there is only one emergency exit, if yes, grin and say; 'Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.' 

Continuously  fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt: 'The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don't you think?' 

After defining your greatest achievement, qualify with, 'Of course I was totally hammered at the time.' 

Inquire on office policy of friends staying over. 

Claim you wouldn't even need a sit-in job if Albert Einstein hadn't stolen your secret patent for '2000 Flushes'.

Over-emphasize your ability to use a copier.

Ask if it's O.K that you sit on the floor.

Allow that you would little impact on the overhead budget, because you swiped all the supplies from your other job. 

Although parking was free, insist that they validate something or you are not leaving.

Mention your resume would have been stronger, but you didn't feel like making anything else up.

Ask the secretary if she'll like to sit on your lap during the interview.

Walk into interviewer's office with a tape measure, measure office from a few angles, put away, declare; "NOW we can begin."

When making small talk and the Simpson trial comes up, shout: "You mean Marge and Homer are in some kind of trouble?"

Sniff your middle finger hold out toward interviewer, ask: "smell this, this smell funny to you??" 

Upon walking in to the office for first time, tell receptionist to hold all your calls.

Submitted by: Dick Gregory



Apple Happy Family

Submitted by: Sam Kinison

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