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Spare time on PC

Submitted by: Bill Cosby

 


 

Male or Female

Non-living objects are somehow either male or female:

FREEZER BAGS:
Male - hold everything in, but anyone can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS:
Female - Once turned off; take some time to warm up again. An effective reproductive thing if the right buttons are pressed, but can be wreaked havoc if wrong buttons are pushed.

TIRES:
Obviously Male - Go bald easily and are often over inflated.

HOT AIR BALLOONS: 
Male object - To get them to go anywhere, one has to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES:
Female - Soft, squeezable and retain water.

WEB PAGES:
Female - Visited, constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS:
Male - Always use the same old tired lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS:
Female - Over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS:
Male - In the last 4000 years hardly changed at all, and are very handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL:
Female - Easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to press, he just keeps trying.

Submitted by: Bob Newhart

 


 

Looks Stupid but...

Submitted by: Sarah Silverman

 


 

A Female Caretaker

A female caretaker wheeled Grandma out on the garden, in her wheelchair, where the preparation for her 95th birthday was taking place. Grandma couldn't speak well and would write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short while out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to her right, so the caretaker grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to the left, again the caretaker hold her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, the female caretaker again grabbed her, and this time tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

The Grandma nephew, arriving late from work, came up to Grandma and greeted her, "Hi, Grandma, you look great. How is she treating you?"

Grandma took out her notepad and slowly wrote a note to her nephew...

"B*tch won't let me fart."

Submitted by: Jackie Vernon

 


 

Google finds keys too!

Submitted by: Bob Hope




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